As I tried to Jump, it seemed impossible
It took a long while before I could
I feared the unknown, yet took the leap
I saw nothing on the path ahead
Scared to say the least, I continued
In a haze of fog and mistrust
The destination is still so bleak
Where am I, what have I done
Jeopardizing our home life
Taking food and well-being aghast
What the hell was I thinking
Now I’m in purgatory, waiting
Wondering what will come next
Anxiousness looming with every thought
Fear of failing my greatest enemy/ally
Again, what was I thinking
Taking each day by the hand
Coaxing it to make sense of the why
If you don’t take the leap, they say
I did and nothing good has come from it
Being lost and confused is not a preferred state of mind
It feeds into my self-loathing
Self-esteem is at the lowest point
Literally throwing up my hands and giving up
Take me from this world if all I cause is disappointment
Letting my husband down
Him carrying the burden of my poor judgement
What was I thinking
The fact is, I wasn’t, blinded by hope
Fear disguised by Hope, and I bought it
Now, where do I go from here
How do we survive
Do I retreat and go back to where I came?
Do I go back to where I started?
Humiliated by poor judgement
Oh, I know the tales, without failure there’s no success
Its all bullshit I say, plain bullshit
To return from a journey of failure
Sadness and embarrassment as companions
Into the darkness, once again
Sad thing is though, this isn’t the end
Bad decisions are a part of my repertoire
So, so, so, so, so, so
The journey continues
In the false hope of
finding my happy ending.
ItsMeBarbi 